Dear Readers,
When I came back from vacation, after some soul-searching, I decided to push off the Kickstarter I announced in my last letter to you. The idea now is to do a single Kickstarter for issues 1&2 of The Blood of Seven Queens, rather than one for issue 1 (which has now been out for about a month) and another for issue 2 pretty soon thereafter. And that’s all hunky-dory and whatnot, but the absence of the insanity that it would have taken to get the issue 1 Kickstarter out for today has left me feeling rudderless. Like, what I am supposed to do with myself? RELAX?! Wasn’t I literally JUST on vacation?
Truth is, vacation was anything but relaxing. The family and I were camping, and while I enjoy the company of my wife, kids, and in-laws, there’s little else about camping that I find pleasurable or rejuvenating. I sleep like shit, I eat like shit, and I shit like shit. I get antsy when it takes too long for our big group to make a decision about what we’re doing, and the nagging feeling that I should be doing something more productive with my limited time on this Earth—a feeling which gnaws at me EVERY FUCKING DAY—becomes exhausting to deal with when I’m tired, I’m either starving or totally overstuffed, and I’m bored with every book, gadget, or activity I’ve brought to distract myself from the frightening reality of my own mortality.
Does any of this sound familiar to you, dear reader? Or am I just hopelessly fucking broken?
The feeling of having no direction is overtaking everything right now. I’m not even sure what I should be writing in this here newsletter. I certainly don’t think I should be writing THIS, whatever this is. A better writer would find some way to take this pain and turn it into something useful or entertaining for their readers.
I wish I were a better writer. Sadly, I’m just me.
Eventually, I’ll crawl my way out of this funk. I usually do. Soon enough it’ll be time to start sharing pages from issue 2 with you, and that will feel like a victory. It’ll feel like I’m finally making progress. Until then, I’m not sure what I do. I’m not sure what I do about anything, except maybe what an old boss of mine used to tell me at times like these: “Just keep swimming.”
Yours,
Chris
Chris. Take a deep breath.
And another one.
And another one.
Now then. You are not alone. This is my #1 problem as well. Or, was. I have mostly solved it. With timers.
Sounds counter-intuitive, but having a timer set, and knowing "this is the time I need to be doing This," or "now is the time when I That" makes it easier to let go of other things, because you know they have a place and time as well. And, with a phone in your pocket and likely even a smart watch, having a timer always available is real.
At least worth a try. After all, how can you be a writer if you don't take the time to daydream?
sending prayers, love, and healing hugs. please do rest and take care of yourself. if you ever need anything, even just a chat or a vent, don’t hesitate to reach out. 🙏🫂